I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
