I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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