I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
