so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
