The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
