She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
