I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
