we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sext me about skeletons
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
