The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
