did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Drunk is not a location!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
