so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
third nipple confirmed
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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