there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
