from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
