I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
