forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
