My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
