you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
