She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
