dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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