If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
