Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
