I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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