when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
