He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
