It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
