there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
