someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
