so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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