Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
