I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Don't tell me you're on acid again
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
