after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
