the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
