I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
