my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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