Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
