sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The ass gains better be worth it
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