so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
