I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
