i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
