i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
