a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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