note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
