when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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