Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
