as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
