Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
