so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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