his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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