Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wish you could order shots online.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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