I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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