I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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