You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
