I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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