I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
