I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
