she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
