i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
