Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
