i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
