I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
