My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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