did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We have started to decorate penises.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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