I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
