i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
