the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
