Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
