I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
