i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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