i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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